Um, hi. I’m Esher.
<Insert awkward wave here.>
This is me:
And this is my official unofficial bio for #PitchWars. Stumbling across my blog and don’t know what #PitchWars is? Visit here.
I’m not going to pitch you my novel. Pretty sure we’re not supposed to do that here. But I will say that it’s a NA contemporary romance I call Walking After Midnight and point you to my inspiration board.
Having spent crap-tons (it’s a technical term) of time on this baby since the beginning of February, I’m in the position now where I’ve taken my novel as far as I can alone (with the help of CPs and beta readers). And that’s where you come in, trusty #PitchWars mentors. Though I have created 69,000 some-odd words that I’m proud of, I’m willing to rip it apart and put it all back together with your help. You were chosen as mentors for a reason, and I’m willing to let you go all Mr. Miyagi on my manuscript if that’s what’s needed to get me representation and get you a shiny reputation as a Twitter-famous contest mentor.
So this is the part where I attempt to make myself sound interesting. To help belabor my points, I’m going to use memes and gifs (because, you know, all the cool kids are using ’em).
During the day I work in cubicle. It’s a soul-less job but someone’s gotta do it. But working a corporate job has taught me one thing: people love bullet points. So here are some useless and yet hopefully relevant facts about me in bullet point form.
Here we go. I…
- Have a degree in journalism and a minor in English. I spent a year as a full-time journalist for a daily newspaper (writing about spelling bees and dogs wearing Mardi Gras costumes) and then four as a features writer for an alternative weekly (writing about bars and theater). It’s also afforded me the opportunity to interview interesting actors/musicians/comedians, such as Fall Out Boy, Margaret Cho, Henry Rollins, Steven Wright, and Tom Arnold. I still freelance on occasion.
- Was once contacted randomly by an editor at Esquire Magazine and asked to contribute to a feature on the nation’s best bars. After I hung up the phone, I immediately Googled the editor’s name and figured out that it was, indeed, a real editor from Esquire and not some random person playing an unforgivable joke on me. I said yes. Jeremy Piven was on the cover. This is as-of-yet my proudest achievement in writing, though I hope to eclipse that – and soon.
- Prefer my Coke in a can and my Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups to be egg-shaped. You’ll never be able to convince me that all iterations of these snacks are created equal. They’re not.
- Will watch any movie that includes Bill Murray (except Garfield, because WTF), Philip Seymour Hoffman, and Paul Giamatti. They can do no wrong.
- Never get enough of the following films: (500) Days of Summer, Amelie, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Garden State, Ghost World, Lost in Translation, and any film by Wes Anderson (but mostly The Royal Tenenbaums). Yes, I realize saying this makes me look like a hipster. No, I don’t care.
- Will laugh at all your intentional or unintentional “that’s what she said” jokes. Every. Single. One.
- Made items out of scratched-up vinyl records and sold them on Etsy, including cuff bracelets, guitar picks, spiral notebooks, bowls, necklaces, clocks, and coasters. Time constraints mean I don’t do much of this anymore, but I have plenty of notebooks left over. Want a notebook? I’m not above bribery.
- Love tattoos (though I only have one). My second is a half-sleeve I have scheduled in October that’s based on the movie Joe Versus the Volcano.
- Once dressed as a Ninja Turtle and danced to Vanilla Ice’s Ninja Rap for an auditorium of movie executives. Can’t make this stuff up, folks.
- Love live music. Well, music of any kind, really. (Well not any kind. Sorry, Country fans.) But if you hang out with me long enough, I will attempt to make you listen to a song or ten. I’m one of those people who believes the right band (or song) at the right time can change your life.
- Am married to a barber. A hot, bearded, tattooed barber who provides cuts and straight-razor shaves in a traditional barber shop we bought and renovated more than a year ago.
- Have spent thirty two of my thirty three years living in Iowa, which I happen to love. Flyover country is more than a sum of its stereotypes. I can prove it. Bet you didn’t know Des Moines was this beautiful:
And because this contest is all about writing, and I wouldn’t be much of writer without first being a reader, here are a few books that I have loved the crap out of over the past few years:
- Love Me With Lies trilogy by Tarryn Fisher
- God-Shaped Hole and How to Kill a Rockstar by Tiffanie DeBartolo
- Attachments by Rainbow Rowell
- The Sea of Tranquility by Katja Millay
- Greed and Vain by Fisher Amelie
- Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins
So that’s me in a nutshell. (Help, I’m in a great big nutshell!)
Thanks for reading!